Congratulations, you’ve started dating someone, and it’s going great! You are hitting it off, “clicking,” and the chemistry is intense. Therefore, needless to say, you decide to continue dating.

Fast forward a little way down the road: you have now gone on many dates and things are still going well. You haven’t had “the talk” yet, but, at this point, you’re starting to wonder if you have crossed the threshold into being in a relationship. Is this possible? Have you automatically found yourself in an exclusive relationship? Right now, would you be upset to find out the person you’re dating is also seeing another person?

So many questions, so little time. Therefore, I decided to break this whole thing down into two main questions:

1. Can you keep dating a person without ever being in a relationship, or considering yourselves exclusive?
2. If not, after how many dates (without having a conversation about it) would you consider yourself to be in a relationship, and/or exclusive?

In an attempt to answer this question, I ran a survey to see what people had to say. Of course, there are no right answers, so I simply asked in search of every opinion and perspective I could find…and the people went wild.

So, what were the results?

The majority of those surveyed believe that two people are never in a relationship, or exclusive, until they have some sort of conversation about it, no matter how many dates they go on. Coming in second, the next majority believe that exclusivity can, or rather should, be assumed after 3 to 4 dates.

During the survey, it was fascinating to see opposing opinions on the same point. Take “courtesy,” for instance: One respondent was quick to say that you should be exclusive after 4 dates, out of respect and courtesy for the other person. The other respondent said that, out of courtesy, both people should be aware that it’s not an exclusive situation. Who’s to say which one is right?

Where does that leave us?

Let’s be honest, when it comes to dating, relationships, and everything in-between, we’re all confused. It is a crazy, concrete jungle, filled with unspoken (but generally understood) rules and social protocols. With things like trying to figure out how many dates you can go on before you’re expected to be exclusive, it’s all just guess-work. 

Some of the respondents said that you need to know where the person you’re dating is at, as well as yourself, to know if you’re exclusive or not. However, more often than not, all you know is how you feel and where you think the two of you are in the grand scheme of things. You could be dating someone right now who believes they’re in some sort of exclusive relationship with you…or vice versa.

So what do you think? Do you agree with the majority so far, or do you have a different view regarding how many dates it takes before you are automatically in a relationship? Tell me what you think below. On your marks, get set…go!